Saturday, April 28, 2012

1- 100

On the left, my very first painting. On the right, number 100. I decided to do a simular subject for comparision. In hind sight, it would have been much less stressful if I had done something else for such a prestigious event. :)

So now I've completed my 100th painting. I now have the right to ask myself..."am I any good? Well, in all honesty, I dont know. I do know I am much better than when I started.

Today is the day (God Willing)

Today is the day (GOD willing) that I reach my goal. If all goes well, I will finish the goal I have been striving for, for the past almost 3 years.  As you can tell by the delay between  the 99 and 100. I have mixed emotions about finishing. I mean what then? What is next? Also, the flower trading thing is almost over. I believe I only have one left of those too. Between that, and my personal life. Seams everything is ending and it is difficult to push through.

I received the latest trade from the flower trade (all the way from Australia) and it is bright and cheerful. I on the other hand am no where near that emotion. I've put the flower in front of my keyboard to remind me to cheer up. It's all in GOD's hands. Weather my 100th painting is any good, weather I get a car (my died this week and I can't afford to buy another), weather I continue to help the elderly couple I've taken care of for the past 5 years (it's getting beyond me with both dementia), when my poor dog will die (recently discovered he has brain cancer), and even when I will be a widow again. My poor wonderful husband has been fighting recurring kidney cancer for 6 years. It recently became aggressive. We have tried all the treatments allowed by the FDA, and nothing worked for long. So in a desperate attempt to keep him alive a bit longer, a week ago he had surgery. (Understand the first surgeons we requested this from denied us). When they got inside they found it was much worse than anticipated. Bigger and attached to everything. They layed in the area where his kidney used to be.The largest one measured over 8 cm (that is large for cancer). It was attached to the Aorta, Vena Cava, completely encased the adrenal gland, in several lymph nodes, attached to his diaphragm, and the one I feared - it was attache to his liver.

The skillful surgeon had originally said it would take 3 hours. It took 7 (plus closing). When it was over the doctor himself came out and actually drew me a picture of what he found, and what he did. He said he believed he got it all. The one worry is whether he got enough of the liver. You can only take so much of it, and he was not positive he got enough for clear margins. The liver is a miraculous thing in that it will re-grow itself if it has enough left. So we wait for results on the margin. The last thing the surgeon said as he was leaving. "This was difficult. More so than I thought it would be, but it went well. Just remember, this is kidney cancer. It will come back. We don't know how long or where but it will come back". Not that I needed to be reminded of this. We were told by everyone this whole time, even as we asked doctors to do the surgery. But hopefully, it buys my husband more time. Hopefully, I'll still be married at our 1 year anniversary.

Back to the original subject. Things ending. Today, GOD willing, I will finish my 100th painting.